10 Indications that We Probably Won’t be Good Friends

1. You own something emblazoned with a Disney character. And you have not yet banished it to the memories box in the attic.

2. You spell things phonetically, not correctly.

3. You shrug absentmindedly when I quote Dumb and Dumber, instead of following up with the next line.

4. You don’t know what “unfortch” or “whatevs” mean.

5. You expect me to wear make up or pants, even if I’m not at work or church.

6. You won’t let me grip your wrist for the entire duration of a plane trip. Or you to attempt to have any sort of conversation during said flight.

7. You’ve only seen Jurassic Park 15 times or less. Or, God help your soul, you haven’t seen it.

8. You own a cat.

9. You correct my sarcasm.

10. You decide to learn a new song on your guitar during Shark Week. Cough. Cough.