One More Reason to Stop Shopping in the Junior’s Section

I lost three pounds sitting in church this morning. This is the second time we have attended this particular church, and both times it’s been outrageously packed. It’s definitely time for an expansion, but for now they are sticking with four services every Sunday. Anyway, all that to help paint the picture of it being very cramped in the building. Sardine style. We walk in with our uber cute coats on because, hello, we are still living in Virginia in the winter, but inside it’s toasty. However, with some stroke of mean-spirited supernatural luck, I sit down right behind a girl wearing the same exact sweater I have on. If you know anything about women, you know that it took all the willpower in my delicate being not to either get up and walk out or ask that kind stranger to get up and move so as to not overshadow my obviously superior wearing of said sweater. But I kept quiet. And I also kept my jacket on, buttoned all the way up the entire service.

Maybe for most people this wouldn’t seem so strange. But I’m Cuban. And I know it’s not cute or girly, but we sweat. We sweat with minimal physical exertion – like, a sneeze. So, for an hour and three minutes I felt like I was in a sauna that just happened to play really uplifting music. And as the sweat beads formed underneath my very cute but very unoriginal sweater, I glared at the back of that thirteen year old girl’s head with an intensity that matched the heat wave washing over my torso.

It was almost as embarrassing as that time in college when Clayton spotted a twelve year old girl with down syndrome wearing the same jacket I had on. Except that jacket found a nice new home at Goodwill the following day.