Things I Didn’t Need to Read About in Your Facebook Status*

1. The number of centimeters you are dilated.

2. Any sentence that includes the word “cervix.” 

3. The number of contractions you have had, how long your contractions are lasting, and how strong your contractions are. For the love, turn off the iphone and breathe, woman.

4. Except for maybe sinusitis, if it ends with -itis, I don’t want to know you have it.

5. Your newborn is breastfeeding. Like, right now. If you’ve shared that you do have a newborn, the fact that little junior needs to eat is assumed. Let the fb community use their imagination about the exact feeding schedule.

 

*I should point out that the minute Baby Noa is in the works, I fully intend to break every one of these rules. Until then, I’ll continue combing out the golden mane of my high horse.