all that’s missing is a pair of roller skates
last week i had 3 different appointments at my cardiologist’s office. on wednesday i had a stress test. it was the walk on a treadmill hooked up to lots of different machines kind of stress test. my supervisors never turned around so i couldn’t try to walk backwards like bill cosby did during his. but i also didn’t have any dreams about giant deli sandwiches, so bill and i really don’t have that much in common. the nurse made some snide comments before the test about my doing strength training and not doing much cardio, so i had a little extra motivation to do well. my results were great and apparently that part (the “plumbing”) of my heart is very healthy. i even used these results in my weekly newsletter at work to brag about the cardiovascular benefits of strength training vs. cardio. let’s hope i don’t keel over any time soon, or that article will really come back to bite me.
thursday i had to go get a 24-hour heart monitor attached to my chest. it recorded my heart’s electrical activity for 24 hours, and i had to keep a journal of what activities i did. the whole reason i went to the cardiologist was because i’d been having palpitations. the purpose of the heart monitor was to record what was happening when i had a palpitation, and for me to write what i was doing at the time. of course, i didn’t have any palpitations while i was wearing the monitor. so i had 10 electrodes glued to my chest and peeking out of the top of my shirt, i couldn’t take a shower, and i had what looked like a 1985 cassette player clipped to my waist for no reason at all. radical. when i returned the monitor and told the nurse i didn’t have any palpitations, she told me the next step would be a 30 day monitor. 30 DAYS OF THE CASSETTE PLAYER. so i said no thanks for now.
friday i had an echocardiogram. if you think of the analogy that the heart is like a house, the stress test studied the plumbing, the monitor studied the wiring and the echocardiogram studied the structure. it was basically an ultrasound of my heart. i couldn’t help but think of being pregnant as i watched the picture of my heart on the little screen, especially when i heard it beating. as far away from having kids as we are right now, i somewhat understood how life changing it would be to see and hear someone else’s tiny little heart on that screen. i also couldn’t help but wonder why i spent 10 minutes methodically folding my clothes so the tech couldn’t see my bra, only to have her come in and rub gel all over my naked boob for 15 minutes.