Something Greater

Something Greater

You know how when you buy a new car, you suddenly start seeing that type of car everywhere? It could be that’s the same kind of psychological deception that’s operating as I’m winding my way through my twenties. There can’t possibly be millions more twenty-somethings floating around the world than there normally are. Right? It has to be that I’m more aware of them; my antennae are up, and I’m blog hopping from one twenty-five year old to the next and thinking they all get it! Has every generation been this in tune with itself, have they been able to define the exact emotions and fears that this particular stage of life brings? I really am so impressed. And I’ve only found people in Florida! There must be tons of us! I’m afraid to mention whose blogs I’ve been reading, they’re friends of friends of friends and it’s probably borderline illegal to be so obsessed. One day I’ll share, though, because if they’re anything like me, they’re writing so that friends of friends of friends can read it and be inspired. Well done, girls; it’s working.

It’s comforting to know that it’s not just me. I’m not the only one going through the mind-numbing motions at a job I took straight out of college while dreaming of doing something greater. I’m not the only one who’s finding out life is a lot different than what you daydreamed about in those first few years of college. It’s not just me realizing that making money has to be a priority right now if you have any hope of doing the something greater.

And like me, they’re understanding the freedom in these years, a freedom unlike anything we’ve yet experienced. Our life has become our own possession; mom and dad offer advice and disapproval and practicality, but every decision from this point on falls on our own shoulders. A lot of responsibility, but a shift that we’ve anticipated and that we welcome with respect and confidence. Every day we learn a little bit more about ourselves, and we are at a place that allows us to recognize those truths without (too much) judgment and self-deprecation. We are stepping into our own skin, owning our thoughts, and identifying our nature. That is freedom, not from fear or doubt or self-consciousness, but freedom from not knowing what those things are. It’s a freedom that tells us when to listen to them and when to tell them to shut the hell up.

I am trying, very hard, to bask in this decade. To savor the nights we resort to frozen pizza and cheap beer. To laugh about having to choose between taking our puppy to the vet or going to see a movie. To make fun of myself for whining about my job every single day. To keep dreaming about what could be without missing what is. To remember every weekday afternoon I get to spend with my husband before full time jobs steal them from of us. To keep a running list of all the ingredients that go into a meatloaf so that one day I won’t miss any of them. To write about all of the struggles and victories and silly jokes and stretched paychecks so that we can’t forget them. Because these days are defining me. As a person, a wife, a friend, a writer, a coffee-drinker, a movie-watcher, a napper, a cereal-eater, and a dreamer. And like so many of us quarter-lifers, I’m beginning to like what I see.

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