Dear College,

No, I will not pay you $161.00 for permission to park on your campus. Will you guarantee me a parking space every time I arrive? Didn’t think so. Do you remember that little bill you sent me for my measly 9 hours of classes? Wouldn’t a small fraction of that be more than enough to cover a 5×10 concrete parking space? Oh, wait, I forgot that you were still paying off the $27,000 topiary bull, apparently a necessary enhancement of my educational experience. So, thanks for the suggestion. I’d really love to help fund your next $136,000 bull statues; it’s such a great idea to help cheer people up when they’re getting laid off and losing health insurance and receiving foreclosure notices. I know that when we calculate all of our student loans and how many years it’s going to put us in debt and realize our savings could barely pay for my Starbucks habit for a month, what really turns my mood around is the thought of “three life-sized bull statues running through the water.” Good luck with that, brilliant and not-at-all misguided decision makers. Don’t think I’ll be able to make it to the unveiling ceremony, though. I’ll be busy looking for a parking space. 

All my love,

N.N.